Have you ever been at work, a seminar, a meeting or in a classroom that is filled with people that seem to only see and act on the negative side of any situation? So you know all too well that skin crawling sensation of entering a room with the knowledge that you’ll be leaving with a feeling of agitation, discontent or some other negative emotion.

What if you had the ability to control that room of people? Ha-ha guess what? You don’t, and likely never will. This is the beauty of social media and specifically, Facebook. You do have some power or control to select what feelings and emotions you get from your news-feed and your overall interaction with it. However, with some simple tips and tricks, you can control the outcome of what you see when you log on to your personal Facebook account.

The premise of this blog post is not to help you avoid all negative social media situations but to navigate them as you wish with some feeling of control. There is much to learn when it comes to patience, acceptance and understanding the perspectives of others. Given the amount of time many of us spend on social media, what we absorb while we are using can seriously affect our well-being and overall happiness. It is proven that excessive time spent on social media can contribute and lead to depression. Social media providers have been known to use the same techniques that slot machine producers use in order to give the user a dopamine producing experience which keeps the user coming back. People with addictive tendencies should be cautious of prolonged use. If you are unsure if your usage is a concern it is recommended that you research the early warning signs of behavioral addictions or ask a professional. This could be helpful for you in remaining diligent about your mental health. So in addition to increasing the quality of your interaction while using Facebook, please remember to be sensitive to the amount of time you spend interacting. Less is more.

I hope you find some of these strategies as useful as I have over the past couple of years.

#1 Unfriend negative, undesirable or dangerous people:

You must be thinking “Thanks, Mr. Obvious”. Unfortunately, this is not always as clear to everyone. Please consider unfriending someone if they could be harmful to yourself or others, and not just those you care about. "Keeping your friends close and your enemies closer” is not always a good motto to live by. Some “friends” are extremely dangerous and we don’t see it. Former abusive lovers, drug dealers, criminal accomplices or "party friends" for those who are in recovery are just to name a few. These people are harmless on the other side of a computer monitor, but in a moment of weakness, it is all too easy to have a catastrophic reconnection. It is always best to make it difficult for you to reunite with these people. The more steps it takes to contact someone (or them you) the more chances you give yourself to make a rational and conscious decision.

When you are trying to start a new beginning for yourself, creating a whole new profile can be a wise choice.

#2 Unfollow them or change the status of your friendship:

Now, don’t be too quick to unfriend someone. It is much harder to swallow your pride later when you realize that a mistake has been made. I usually regret when I move too quickly into action. One thing I have learned these past several years is that people change and so do I. Making the mistake of unfriending someone because of a view they have, or my view of their view, usually ends with feelings full of self-will, resentment or anger. This, in my experience, never helps anything except make me feel poorly or drag out an otherwise meaningless interaction. As stated earlier, there is far more knowledge in tolerance, patience and the understanding of others than there is in simply walking away in anger. So I recommend “unfollowing” the person for now. This will get them off of your news-feed and you off of theirs. A virtual “time-out” so to speak. Don't hesitate to put Timmy in the corner, just don't forget him there. There is also the option of changing the person's status from “friend” to “acquaintance". This will limit how a person can interact with you and what they can see when visiting your Facebook page.

The "Friends" button as shown above is found under the persons cover-photo on their Facebook page.

#3 Do not interact with undesirable people or posts:

Have you ever laughed at a child that was making a silly face, only to realized you have made a horrible mistake because now the child won’t stop making that same face over and over again? Since the child received a reaction from you that must mean you approve and want to see more, right? Guess what, Facebook is the same way. Good or bad, if you react to it, Facebook will show you more.

Facebook tracks all of your actions and then later intentionally shows you similar posts, images, and videos because it knows you have an emotional response to them. This is the genius of Facebook! This is how it knows which advertisements to show you and what keeps you coming back every day.

If you see something in your news-feed that you like or even dislike, the first question to ask yourself is “do I want to see more of this type of post or more from the person that posted it?”. If the answer is NO then keep scrolling. Keeping your mental health in the forefront of you mind along with the idea that "we are what we eat" (metaphorically speaking ;-). I see funny yet inappropriate humour all the time, I really do enjoy the chuckle that it gives me but that is the extent of the interaction I will have with the post.

If it is something that truly bothers you, click on the little downward pointing arrow at the top right of the post and click “hide this post”, if it is illegal or harmful click “report this post” and Facebook will investigate. Facebook administrators are extremely efficient and quick to respond to your grievance.

#4 Do the opposite of tips one, two and three:

Find desirable healthy people and befriend them. Become friends with prophets, teachers, and people you admire. “Follow” the people that you are already friends with that are healthy and in a state of mind that you want to be in. Not only follow but click on “see first” (image below) if you really want to know about them and what is happening in their lives. Click, like, comment and interact with people that are dear to you and will fill your news-feed with educational, positive and uplifting posts (whatever that means to you). You have the power to control what and who you see whenever you log on.

This may take a bit of time while the software begins to learn your new preferences. Be patient and you will start to notice the uplifting change in no time.

The "following" button is found under the persons cover-photo on their page.

Ask yourself, Do I want to see more of this type of post?

#5 Join “Groups” that are consistent with your goals:

Take a few minutes and think about the types of things that you would like to see more of, then look them up. Find groups that are congruent with your goals, accomplishments or educational objectives. By typing the topic in the search bar at the top of the screen and then hitting the subcategory “groups” and you will be amazed at the like minded people you can find. You can easily filter this list down even further if you would like to include location, keywords, and you can even see which of your friends already belong to which groups.

While you are in the "groups" area this is a great opportunity to take a moment to unfollow the groups that do not line up with your current intentions. I have several friends that have groups and pages that I am a currently a "member" of but have no need to see their daily contributions to the Facebook world. The purpose of this is to be supportive while increasing their member count even though I have no desire to see posts from Jane's Pedicure Palace. At the same time, you never know when sharing this page with a friend at a later date might be helpful to everyone. I am always meeting new friends that need pedicures. :-P

#6 Keep it true:

We all know the story of The Monster of Frankenstein, where this unsightly being is chased by the townspeople because of his appearance, only to later to be found that he had been misjudged. Far too often the people of social media are sharing things they believe to be an injustice when in reality it is a hoax, someone's personal agenda or simply hate-mongering. By clicking like and share on these images you are acting as judge, jury, and executioner of someone else based on two or three sentences and an image.

Social media has the power to banish someone from their own life leaving them nowhere to hide. This is the equivalent of the bullying and rumours that we spend so much time trying to teach our children not to do. We seem to marginalize its power because it is just a click of a mouse, but remember that action is action regardless of its size. Even though your part might seem nominal in the grand scheme of things, it is still enough to know that it is not the right thing to do. The laws of karma tell me to make sure that I know what I am talking about 100% before I pick up that torch and pitchfork. These small things help me sleep at night and that is one of the best things I have ever done for my mental health.

So remember, when in doubt DO NOT share it.

#7 Share with “only me”:

Regularly, while scrolling through my news-feed I see things that are meaningful or inspiring and I don’t always want to share it with every one of my friends. Not only because some of them won’t understand but it would likely ignite a conversation that I do not want to engage in right now. So here is what I do: I click the share button (not the "share now" button) and Facebook then gives me the option to change who can view the post. I then select the “only me" option (see image below), don't worry it's not as selfish as it sounds. By clicking this selection Facebook will then post the media item to your wall for only you to see. At a later date, you can scroll your personal Facebook wall and see all of the things that were of interest to you over time. This is like sending yourself your own secret messages. This is perfect for motivational memes, mantras or things that really energize you but would make all of your buddies want to barf. Show yourself how mush you love yourself and have fun!

After clicking "Share" you will be given the option to change the viewing audience of your post.

"Save post" items can be later found in the side menu bar of your home page under the title of "saved".

#8 Use the “Save for Later” option:

That little arrow that is at the top right of every post has come into play once again. I continuously see things on my feed, such as articles, links, or videos that have content that is intriguing to me or even better, that would help me learn something new. For the longest while, I was seeing these wonderful posts and passing them up because I didn't have the time or my mind was not in a learning mode for that specific topic. Then I realized if I click that drop-down arrow and select the “save link” option, (see image above) it would then be accessible to me later as needed. So then when time and mood allow, instead of mindlessly trolling over my news-feed, I take that moment to revisit the positive, life-changing and educational things I left for myself earlier.

I am so good to me! Be good to yourself. That future you will thank you.

#9 Keep it positive:

This really should be as obvious as tip #1 but unfortunately, it is not. It is also subjective as to what is positive for whom. There is a truth about the fact that positive attracts more positive and this is no different in life as it is on your Facebook. If I post “I freaking hate stupid drivers” the replies that I will get are likely not to be light-hearted and fluffy. The opposite is probably true and you will get people building on your anger and complaining about the negative experience they had while encouraging more of the same hatred and rage. Not only have you created a mob mentality enforcing your negative thought pattern, you have now taken something that was a momentary annoyance and stretched it out over time. This post could go on for days with multiple people. You are just regurgitating that negative moment over and over.

I am not saying do not share your experiences with people or bottle up everything that is annoying you. Just share them privately with trusted people that will call you on your shit and then convince you to let it go.

“The big difference between a warrior and a victim is that the victim represses, and the warrior refrains.”

— Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

#10 Help others:

There are very few feelings that are better than knowing you were able to help someone in need. The majority of us tend to spend most of our time thinking about ourselves and this is the root of most of our anxiety and fear. I’ll let you in on a little secret: it is extremely difficult to worry about yourself when you are helping someone else. So use your power of social pages to share, influence your friends, impact the media, and support all the people you interact with. Share the “missing child” post, help support a local business, click like and support causes against social injustices.

Facebook is a wonderful pastime but please remember that YOU are the media.

Contact Dean

#11 Say Thank-You Dammit!:

Being responsive to someone else’s kindness is gratitude in action and practising gratitude is likely one of the oldest methods of cognitive reframing known to man. Showing that you are thankful for things will train your brain to look for more things to be thankful for. Doing this on a regular basis is not only healthy for my brain it also health for building relationships.

So take the time to interact with and thank the people that spend the time to be a part of your virtual world. If you cannot find time to reply, comment, or interact with a post that you are making then it is probably a good idea not to post at all.

#12 Happy Birthday!:

This is my favourite tip and why I left it for last.

One of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to wish others well and Facebook could not make this any easier. You have the power to opt-in to receiving a daily Facebook notification that will tell you which of your friends is having a birthday that day. This has way more benefits than just knowing who is getting drunk that night. Let me explain.

First of all, this gives us the ability to send all these people well wishes or private messages to help them start off their special day on the right foot. It brings me joy that I get to start my day by wishing someone well usually while savouring my morning coffee.

In addition, you are now receiving a daily list of potentially important people in your life. This is usually the nudge I need to reach out to someone I haven’t spoken to in a while. It can also be a bridge to the rekindling of old friendships or repairing a damaged relationship. Most people are in good spirits and open to communication on their Birthday. Use this to everyone's advantages.

You can now take a couple of minutes each day to manage your friend's list and use this as an opportunity to cleanse your Facebook. I think we all have the person that has 3 different pages and you're not sure which one is current. Or that guy that is a friend of a friend of a friend of Kevin Bacon and you have no idea how you became Facebook friends in the first place. A good rule of thumb here is: if you would feel uncomfortable with wishing them a Happy Birthday - it is probably a good idea to unfriend them.

Lastly, with this feature you can look into the future and see who’s birthday is on the horizon. This is invaluable when it comes to all of your daily in-person interactions with coworkers, friends, and family. I love the look on a friend’s face when I say “hey, your birthday is next Saturday, right?" Showing someone that you went out of your way to remember something about them is a sure way to make them smile.

And that, my “friend", is good for the soul.

Thank you for reading. I hope you found some of these tips useful and are able to easily implement them into your social media experience. If you have any of your own safe surfing practices that you would like to share, then please send them to info@deananderson.ca.

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12 Tips For Creating a Mentally Healthy Facebook